Raising Our Daughters the Right Way


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Bringing up: In a world full of judgements and suspicions, we have to raise our daughters with the correct set of values.

Under the wings...Under the wings…

Archana insisted on homeschooling her twin daughters as she had nightmares about admitting her children to the kindergarten in the metropolis soon after being bombarded by stories of lurking paedophiles around learning centres. Vandana gave up her lucrative job because she wanted to be at home when her daughter arrived home at noon. She had heard horrific stories of children being administered sleeping pills in their milk at daycare centres. Meera laughingly calls herself the designated chauffeur of her kids because she is always driving them in and out of one class or another.

Lakshmi opted for voluntary retirement just when it was her turn to get promoted, to ensure that she could fund her daughter’s dream to study abroad. Suma, a qualified lawyer, decided to be a stay-at-home mother because she believed in the dictum “Better safe than sorry” (All names have been changed to respect their identities.)

What these young and not-so-young mothers have done for the apples of their eyes, is not unusual. Each of these mothers and several tens and thousands of their kind have been doing more or less the same thing in various capacities. No, they are not cynical or paranoid, they are just being careful. With reason too. We live in a world which is riddled by multiple standards, inequalities in every aspect, uncertainties and incomprehensible expectations. Hence, leading a normal life believing in the intrinsic goodness of fellow human beings is out of the question.

Now is the time for us to rethink our parenting strategies, especially where it concerns the girl child. After all, parenting is called an art and not without reason. We must prepare our daughters to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst right from the moment they arrive in our lives. Here are a few areas that need
serious looking into:

Physical well-being
A taste for a nutritious balanced diet punctuated with some form of exercise should be introduced right from the beginning. When a healthy diet and a physical regime coupled with personal hygiene become a habit, immunity levels will soar, and keeping healthy will not prove to be a challenge. Teaching them martial arts or sports or simply involving them in everyday household chores will help them build stamina and can prove to be a boon in times of need.

Modesty & morality
Modesty and morality should not be mixed up. Remember, being prudish can cost them dearly. They must be taught the difference between good touch and bad touch. Girls should be taught not to be ashamed of their bodies or the changes they undergo. They should be encouraged to spell out their doubts and fears. It will do well to sensitise girls to the fact that the outside world will judge them by the clothes, accessories and the makeup they wear, though character cannot be determined by the length of their sleeves or necklines.

Subjects like virginity, rape, honour, domestic violence, honour killings need not be drawing room conversations, if it feels delicate. All the same, there is no point in sweeping the subjects under the carpet and looking the other way when they do crop up.

Using such topics as a launchpad to clear the cobwebs of a growing mind can go a long way in preventing girls from becoming judgmental. The knowledge will also cushion them to some extent, if they are unfortunate victims of such
circumstances.

Coping with new age trends
Many girls go through a phase in life when they get their facial or body parts pierced or tattooed, when they colour, curl or straighten their hair or undergo cosmetic surgery on a whim and regret it later.

Depriving permission outright may not go well with everyone. So, the stubborn ones can be encouraged to try the temporary option and then if they really care for the fashion, then they can be told to take the plunge.

Being feminine
Girls should be taught to appreciate and enjoy their feminine side. Since we live in a diabolical world, girls can be groomed to be soft-spoken and delicate damsels. So, they should be clearly told that they must not hesitate to protect themselves even if it means biting and kicking the molester on the face, or very simply amplifying their lung power.

Expanding the mind
Encourage your girls to have friends, go out and mingle. While dating or having a relationship is not wrong, they should also be taught when and where to draw the line and how to say no firmly when they feel uncomfortable. Writing a diary or pouring their concerns to an agony aunt can help them ease their tensions. Ask them to be careful about what they post and with whom they share on their social media sites, especially their pictures. With so much cyber crime going on, one can never be too careful.

Dignity Of Labour


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Each one of us would like to lead a life of luxury. If that is not possible we at least crave for a life of comforts. There is nothing wrong in wishing so! Yet the fact remains that, not everyone can land a white-collared job.

All the same, let us imagine that the wishful thinking of our collective conscience is translated into reality by the universe. The world would be chaotic. Who will grow the food for us? Who will tailor our clothes for us and clean up after us? You must have got the drift by now. We are a close-knit world where each one of us contributes directly or indirectly to the well being of another. Such being the case, it will be ridiculous for us to assume that one job is superior to another in terms of importance. If everyone does their job conscientiously and earnestly, not only will the world be a better place, we can march ahead of time.

The Ramayana, Mahabharata and the Puranas record the life story of king Harishchandra who was known for his impeccable integrity and his unswerving principle to honour his promise at any cost.

The king of Ayodhya unwittingly got into a situation where he was obliged to pay an astronomical amount of gold to sage Vishwamitra. All the wealth in his treasury could not redeem his promise.

Though the sage tauntingly told the ruler that he was ready to negate the amount, Harishchandra would not hear of it. He gave up his kingdom to pay the price of the capital amount. He still owed the dakshina to Vishwamitra. The king decided to work off the loan. Since the sage had no use for him, he sold his wife and son to a Brahmin as slaves and paid part of the amount. Then the sovereign sold himself to a grave keeper and took up the life of a Chandala in right earnest just in order to honour his promise.

The ability of the king not to stand on formality and take up his diversely varied roles seriously speaks about the importance of dignity of labour. That Harishchandra underwent harsher travails to prove his worth is another story.

Selflessness or Helplessness


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We are living in times when most people refrain from or at least think twice before helping one another. People, who do help, fall into two categories. One set of them help in the hope of reaping returns later. Another set of people are Samaritans for whom helping is their second nature.

The Samaritans’ natural instinct to help is often exploited by the people who are at the receiving end of the good deed.This lopsided equation leaves the helper braving the brunt of his action, while the receiver is sometimes not even sensitive to the fact that he has plucked his benefactor to the bones. A tale from the Upanishads elaborates the different dimensions of unquestioning helping nature and its impact on the helper.

Once, the Devas decided to perform a Maha Yajna. Protocol dictated them to abstain from possessing arms during this spiritual activity.They requested sage Dadheechi to become the caretaker of their valued possessions. The sage, who led an altruistic life, did not want to get involved. The Devas impressed upon the sage that their rivals would never dare to incur the curse of the sage at any cost.

Dadheechi understood the magnitude and might of the weapons, so he took up the responsibility of safeguarding the same. The Devas completed the Yajna successfully, but did not come back for the weapons. Meanwhile, Dadheechi found it difficult to concentrate on his penance because of this liability. He liquefied the lethal weapons and consumed them.

Several years later, the Devas felt the need for weapons when they were badgered by Vritrasura. When Indra, their leader, came to know that the weapons lay in the bones of the sage, he realised that he could retrieve them only when the sage passes away. Indra did not hesitate to request Dadheechi for the bones, because his need was urgent.

Dadheechi understood the emergency. He gave up his life to honour his promise. Indra created the infallible Vajrayudha using the bones of the sage and slayed his enemy. Dadheechi immortalised the concept of selflessness with his deed.

Helping one another is the only way forward. However, the helped must be conscious not to bleed the helper white and push him to a state of helplessness.